Francis Huang
May 30, 1999
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| Frances Huang 1996 |
Frances and my son, Brian, plan to marry June 6 at the chapel of Stanford University -- Brian’s alma mater. They jointly own a home in Palo Alto, where Frances enjoys cooking Chinese food and doing “homework” in her office.
At the kitchen table, we chatted openly and easily about our philosophies of life. Frances is very confident with who she is and told the fascinating story of her life. Frankly, I am very impressed with the accomplishments of this charming, intelligent, attractive and dedicated woman. She is a class act! As she told the story, I began to obtain more insight into her background that made her who she is.
Frances’ father, Shan Huang, taught Philosophy and Language in Canton No.10 High School. He helped write a textbook on the same subjects for high school students and was well respected among his peers. He is also an author, who continues to write Chinese poems for newspapers, and enjoys cooking. He lost a couple of his brothers during the Communist Revolution and finds it difficult to talk about that time in his life. Many of the records of family history were lost during the revolution.
Grace Huang (Frances’ mother) was a businesswoman in Canton and now works in a kindergarten in San Francisco. She is a charming, friendly and vivacious lady, who is rapidly mastering the English language. Frances jokingly claims that her mother is a “troublemaker with strong character. I am a toned-down version of my mother.”
When Frances was a child in Canton, China, Chairman Mao thought it was important for almost all youth to spend some time on the farm, learning to plant and harvest rice and other crops. His philosophy was spelled out in his “Little Red Book” that many citizens of China carried with them everywhere. Mao thought that members of a classless society should have their roots firmly attached to the earth, so most kids were required to spend some time in the country. During the Cultural Revolution of 1968-77, even members of the professional class, including doctors and teachers, were sent to the country for “re-education.” In the country, there were only “peasant doctors” to help the people.
Parents, not so inclined to mirror the image of the world as seen through Mao’s eyes, often wished better for their children. Students accepted into an art or music school were exempted from having to work in the country. Therefore, many or most of the educated class, in the “classless” Chinese society, tried to obtain acceptance for their children into either art or music schools. The competition for the few open spots in these schools was intense. Those graduating with a degree in either art or music were considered first-class citizens. Grace and Shan Huang wanted a better life for their daughter and paid a very high price to give her the advantage of a degree in music. Although Grace’s salary was only $40 per month, she managed to scrape up the $18 per month needed for Frances’ music lessons and $270 for her first jeng (stringed instrument). One way she managed to save money was to visit the baker very early in the morning when he sold two bread rolls for five cents – later in the morning, two rolls cost six cents.
Grace pushed young Frances very hard to became an accomplished musician. Frances beat out the competition and attended music school from the ages of 14 to 17. She became so proficient that she continues to give jeng lessons in the USA. During the wedding reception, one of her students for seven years will play the jeng as background music. But music was not her way to success or her great love. At the age of 17, she jumped at the chance to come to the United States. Leaving her parents and her younger sister, Clara, back in Canton, she found herself in 1979 San Francisco with little or no money and few marketable skills. Since she was not yet an American citizen, she could not legally obtain employment. However, she was a very hard worker and got her first job as a kitchen aide in a Chinese restaurant. She was paid $20 per day and worked 16 hours per day (7am till 11 pm) peeling carrots, onions and such. Food was included as part of her salary. Even though she worked long hours for little pay, she was very happy for the opportunity to get ahead and she made the best of it. By the end of her first summer, she had saved $600.
Her next job was as a hostess at another, classier, Chinese restaurant. There she was groomed to handle restaurant clientele that included important politicians, business folks and such. It was there she polished the “people and business skills” that have served her well since. She lived very frugally, saved money and taught herself to read and write well enough to be admitted to the City College of San Francisco. Ultimately she graduated from San Jose State University with a degree in computer engineering. She was immediately hired as a Windows programmer by Hewlett Packard. She had an opportunity to work for Microsoft but, at the time, “They were nobody.” Consequently, she decided to continue with Hewlett Packard. She admits that if she had gone with Microsoft, she might now be a millionaire.
At Hewlett Packard, Frances has worked her way up the corporate ladder. When HP sold complex computers, Frances worked as a consultant to fix any problems the new customer might have in operating the computers. HP charged $2500 a day for her services. Later she became a marketing manager and is currently a strategic program manager, performing the job of a director. Like most Chinese, Frances knows she is smart but tries to be humble about it. She realizes that much of her success in business is due to the fact that she is willing to work very hard and put in long hours.
In my humble opinion, part of the reason for her success is due to the fact that she will not allow her boss to give her more work that she can complete well enough to meet her own high standards. When her boss tries to give her a job that she has no time to do, she has the confidence to say no. She is very concerned with having control over her own life but is obviously a valued employee of Hewlett Packard. She often travels to Southeast Asia and Latin America to serve her clients.
With a steady source of income, Frances was able to buy a home in San Francisco, then assist her sister Clara (then 28) and her parents to come to the United States. Her parents now live in this first home and Clara is engaged to an enterprising, Chinese fellow named Ken.
Frances and Brian struggle to identify the Chinese and American stereotypes. Frances has made a strong attempt to become more “Americanized,” so that she will more easily fit into the American world of business and culture. She has found it fairly easy to adapt to American ways. But simultaneously, she is compelled to remember her Chinese heritage. Somehow, she manages to find ways to deal with the sometimes conflicting expectations of her parents, her heritage and her new American culture. Brian has struggled to learn a little Cantonese so that he can improve communication with his future in-laws. In some ways, “Brian is very Chinese,” claimed Frances. The evidence is in their garage. Frances owns a fairly new BMW and Brian owns a very old Honda that is the first car he ever bought when he was attending Stanford University. When they told Pat and me about this comparison, I gave Frances an optional explanation for someone buying such a “showy” vehicle. “ I might buy a BMW because it is a very well made machine,” I claimed. “Or did you buy it for show?”
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| Brian and Frances |
Without hesitating, Frances responded, “For show. I take pride in the fact that I am successful and wish it to be known.” Somehow this immediate, sincere and honest answer left me with even greater respect for my new daughter, Frances. Then she went on to explain that, “Chinese traditionally are very conservative and humble people. Family is very important and children feel more responsible for their parents than do Americans. If complemented, Americans are more likely to accept the compliment than the Chinese. However, Brian is more conservative, reserved and frugal than I am. I sometimes show more of the American characteristics. Therefore, he is more Chinese than I am.”
As Frances informed us about the wedding plans, she also explained some the Chinese customs. Chinese people like to give gold objects such as rings, necklaces or statues for wedding presents. Part of the Chinese tradition is that the bride and groom serve tea to the family of the bride, which may take up to three hours on the morning of the wedding. Frances’ father, Shan, gave a cake coupon as a wedding present. The cake can be eaten at any time and is something like a dowry. Rice and suckling pigs may also be given as part of the tradition. But “Our wedding will be very American,” she said. All the vows, prayers, etc., will be spoken in English, but made available to my relatives in Cantonese.
Although Brian and Frances may find solutions to the conflicts of the two cultures a constant challenge, they are also both mature and intelligent folks quite capable of resolving any problems that may arise. The obvious affection that they share for each other will go a long way toward making this a long and successful marriage.
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