Feeling Groovy
June 8, 1999
Tony picked up Brian’s guitar and asked the 31 members of the breakfast-after-the-wedding-party what they would like to hear. “What do you know?” asked Sue Cavanaugh.
“Almost anything,” replied Tony Bonta. Then, to prove his point, he played and sang a lively rendition of Simon and Garfunkel’s:
“Slow down, you move too fast;
You’ve got to make the morning last.
Kicking down the cobblestones,
Looking for fun and feeling groovy.
La, la, la, la, luh, la, luh, la, luh la....
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| Tony and Ellen Bonta |
Then he played and sang a couple of other requests. Tony established the theme and mood for the morning party -- we were all feeling “groovy.” The warm glow of familial affection still permeated the group -- even after a couple of days of wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, another family dinner and a reception dinner for Brian Sterling and Frances Huang’s wedding. It was a fun party starting with pancakes, sausage, eggs, coffee and lots of fruit. The talent in the family was obvious and enthusiastically received. George Donsbach played and sang a couple of crowd pleasers, Becky Cavanaugh wowed us with songs from her professional repertory, seven-year-old Dorothy Sterling put a lump in our collective throats on the piano, the Sterling Sisters sang “Blue Moon,” and Auston and Kynwyn Sterling each played ditties on the piano. Often everyone joined in the singing. It was a great way to end the family reunion and wedding.
But can you imagine? Brian and Frances Sterling were giving up the first morning of their honeymoon to host a breakfast at their home in Palo Alto? Seemed a little beyond the call of duty -- almost an act of heroism after all the stress and strain of wedding preparations and the emotions of the wedding. They needed rest, but instead made a sort of ultimate sacrifice to the family!
The wedding was held at the Stanford University Memorial Church. To give you an idea of how much this church is sought as a wedding place, Betsy -- the lady in charge weddings at the church -- informed me that Martha Stewart requested to do a story about the church and its weddings for TV. Martha was gently refused. “This is a private university and a church ceremony is not available to the general public,” she said. “It is only available to students, faculty, staff, and alumni of Stanford. We are not interested in any national attention.”
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| Frances and Brian Dancing |
As Betsy was introducing the wedding party to the church and its rules, a scruffy looking fellow with a few-day-old beard walked up to our group. “Who died?” he asked. (He looked a little like a professor who had been on a four-day binge.)
“It’s a wedding,” Jimmy Sterling said, as he detected the strong odor of booze on the bearded-ones breath.
“Weddings, weddings, I hate weddings,” he said. “Been married three times. Are you married?”
“Yes,” replied Jimmy.
“Sorry to bother you,” the man muttered, as he walked unsteadily away.
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| Brian, Pat, and Jimmy |
Before the wedding, granddaughter Kynwyn Sterling (age 4) was trying to figure out all this marriage stuff while hugging her cousin, Koby -- who may be anxious to see his mother’s and father’s faces for the first time in July, when he is born. With her ear placed against the bulging tummy of Koby’s mom, Ellen Bonta, she asked, “When ladies get married, do they already have a baby in their tummy?”
“Sometimes,” replied her mother, Shenda Baker. No further explanation was needed.
Not being a great fan of weddings, I have even been known to suggest to my children, “Why don’t you elope?” But it was an absolutely lovely wedding anyway. It was a relatively simple, but elegant ceremony. Each wedding performed there is fundamentally similar -- this church is like an assembly line wedding factory. (This summer there will be about 80 marriages performed in this church.) But for some reason, I was very moved in spite of all the ritual. Of course, the fact that my son, Brian – for whom I have the greatest respect, affection, and admiration – was marrying this charming, attractive and very bright businesswoman of Chinese ancestry, may have had something to do with my mood. But there was more to it than that. It was a little like a United Nations in miniature. Like the world was growing smaller and East was finally really meeting West. The WASP groom was joined in marriage to this lady of Chinese descent by a black preacher. Across the aisle sat Grace Huang (Frances’ mom) in an elegant, purple, Chinese gown. Her dad, Shan Huang, escorted the bride, lifted her veil, kissed her hand and gave her to Brian in front of a host of their friends and relatives. It was too much!
After the ceremony, the dictator in residence – sometimes called a wedding photographer – told us how to stand and where to place our bodies. “Tuck in your tie, hold your arm at this level, tilt your head to the left, smile on three, and hurry – we have only three minutes to get this shot.” After carefully lining up one group of subjects, he clicked the shutter just as a young girl accidentally walked in front of the camera. “Oops,” he shouted as his photo was ruined.
A little later, out of the clear blue sky, Kynwyn looked up at me and said, “I love you, Grandpa.” Here was this beautiful (yes, maybe I am a little biased) little girl who only last year -- when her “terrible twos” stretched out into the threes -- might say “no” to almost any suggestion. But in this last year, there has been a remarkable transformation -- like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Now, when a camera appears, Kynwyn is ready to perform like a Shirley Temple look-alike. At the wedding, she charmed her grandparents and other adults like a seasoned professional. During the photography session, she would shout, “Chucky Cheese” to put a smile on everyone’s face. We were like putty in her hands. She and her brother, Auston served as flower girl and ring bearer, respectively. They really had their act down and behaved as well as any of the adults. This is the third time that they have performed this act in their young lives, so they seem to know the routine.
Auston Sterling (age six) was a little quiet during it all. Maybe it was due to the fact that his mom (Shenda) had gently chastised him for experimenting with his camera. Seems that he wanted to see how the camera door worked and figured out how to open it. Shenda had to explain that film exposed to the light is ruined. He only ruined a couple of photos and learned a lesson about cameras. He had the camera for a class project. He was to bring back a photo of the “Thinker” statue from the Stanford campus. When he arrived at the site of the statue, it was gone and only the foundation was present. He and his Mom resolved the problem by obtaining a photo of Auston sitting on the foundation in a pose of the “Thinker.”
“Quick thinking,” I thought.
At breakfast with 31 members of the WASP side of the family, questions were asked that I would never think to ask. For example, Sue Cavanaugh asked Frances how she and Brian met.
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| Sterling Family |
Having previously heard the story about their first date, I asked them to repeat it. Frances said, “Brian, you tell it.”
Brian said, “No, you tell it.” So Frances did.
“Brian and I both love ballroom dancing. We usually go to this dance hang out place on a regular basis. I have been dancing for 9 years and always consider dancing be a form of exercise, rather than a "romantic" outing. One night, Brian asked me to dance and I graciously accepted as I would to others. Normally after a dance, people would say "bye" and part. And they would probably never see each other again. But Brian hung around a bit longer after the dance and asked me, "Would you like to go to this special dance party with me on Sunday?"
"Not a very original pick-up line," I thought. "No, thanks. I only dance on Friday nights," I said to Brian. A week later, we again showed up at the same place as regular Friday dancers. Somehow Brian showed up in front of me and asked me to dance again. "Glad to," I said.
"Are you free this Sunday?" asked Brian during the dance.
"Why?"
"There is this Tango dance lesson at Stanford, which I heard was pretty good. Would you like to go to the lesson with me?"
"Another dance pick-up line," I said to myself. "No, I don't like Tango."
Okay, we showed up again - not for each other, I swear, at this dance place the following week. Brian and I danced one or two dances. Then he handed me his business card - a sure sign! Though I was not too thrilled with his dance "pick-up" lines, I must admit I was fairly impressed by his grace in handling the "rejection" and the confidence he has in himself.
"I started to email Brian. We flirted with each other on emails 2-3 times before we officially met on our first date. I showed up in my pretty dress and heels. Brian answered the doorbell and showed up in his usual attire and his flip-flop sandals. "Shall we go?" he said.
"Yes. Huh .. which car should we take? I can drive, or if you like, you can drive my car."
"Nah, let's take my car," Brian insisted. Brian opened the door for me, got into the car himself and we pulled out of the parking lot. About 3/4 mile down the road on a pretty busy expressway, "Oh No, the car died. ... Get out and please help me push the car to the side of the road... Quick!" I did exactly what Brian instructed me to do. We were a pretty good team. Now think about it. I guess for a moment we forgot we were supposed to have our first date. Our common mission was to get out of the expressway without being run over by cars driving at 40-50 MPH.
Brian impressed me again the way he handled stressful situations. Instead of beating himself to death on ruining our first date, he simply apologized and explained accidents happen. He is so cool .. and so collected .. and so confident .. which sufficiently convinced me the second date, and the third date,...
In case you wonder, several months later, Brian did take me to the restaurant he was supposed to bring me to on our first date. It was very sweet, which I'm sure would have been just as sweet if it were on our first date.”
When Frances finished her story, Brian spoke up: “Look in our garage and you can see the difference between us. She has the BMW and I still have that old Honda.”
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| Huang Family |
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