Sneaking Through Canadian Customs
August 2, 1998
The Canadian customs agent looked me square in the eyes and said, “I know you have a pistol in this motorhome. I will give you one last chance to come clean – there are very severe consequences if you have hidden a pistol in your motorhome. Your motorhome could be confiscated and you could end up in a Canadian jail.”
Again, trying to sound convincing and honest, I repeated, “There is no pistol in this motorhome.”
“We know where to look and we will find it,” he said as he again looked me directly in the eyes.
“Do what you have to do,” I said as bravely as I could.
“I know there is a pistol in your motorhome because when I mentioned the penalties, your wife glanced at you and gave you a very special look.”
“Did you look guilty?” I asked Pat. She shrugged.
The agent and his sidekick searched for about 10 minutes. They looked in all the most obvious places, found no pistol and then chatted with us about the hot weather back in Texas and other trivial stuff.
I asked, “Why did you really decide to search our motorhome instead of just waving us through? Was it because of our Texas license plates? I understand that Texans have a reputation for carrying pistols.”
“No!” he replied. “The tip-off was when you told us you lived in your motorhome “full time.” Folks who really live in motorhomes often carry guns.”
Finally, he said, “You are free to go. Have a good time in Canada.”
Every time we enter Canada, it is the same story. The customs agents are not hostile, but very firm. They have searched us both times we have entered Canada in a motorhome. The first time they confiscated three apples and a couple of potatoes that we were obviously trying to smuggle into Canada. This time they did not even ask about fruit or potatoes. I have to admit that this time we were successful in smuggling apples into Canada. We ate the last two before crossing the border -- our stomachs proved to be the perfect place for apple “running” or smuggling. Next time maybe we will test the law and try to sneak a couple of Mexican jalapeños or something through customs. Nothing like living dangerously.
Naw! Maybe it’s not such a good idea. If Pat looks guilty when we are innocent, how will she look if we are really committing a crime? Maybe we are just not cut out for the criminal lifestyle.
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